On Elitism In the Arts
The Love
Rarely do I talk to people about what it is like to be in a relationship with ballet. It is a complex and paradoxical relationship, tortuous and live-giving, alienating and also deeply spiritually satisfying.
Ballet as a dance practice is a system, a language. There are guidelines that have been established and worn paths to be followed as the evolution has developed over hundreds of years. Continuous, concentrated effort goes into the training over and over again- coaching the body into pathways that are not native or inherent to its movement.
However, once the body speaks this language the limitation allows for freedom. The pathways are revelatory. As the body learns new extensions of feeling it grows into broader and farther reaching patterns- expanded awareness of what is possible to experience and do.
When this continuous training happens, eventually I’m able to let go of it and allow the body to relax into the internalized pathways. There is freedom and power there-strength and virtuosity.
Being able to let go and flow into that release after so much effort is not unlike other disciplines, such as in a Quaker meeting, in which a concentrated and continuous practice leads to that ability to let go and find oneself swimming.
The Difficulty
In Thomas Moore’s Dark Nights of the Soul he talks about falling in love as a temporary insanity. “Love gives you a sense of meaning, but it asks price. It will make you into the person you are called to be, but only if you endure its pains and allow it to empty you as much as it feels you.” This quote speaks so directly to my love of ballet - and to my experience as a dancer and theater artist in a capitalistic society in which scarcity breeds competition and constant comparison of products.
It has been difficult to discern where exactly the problems, the depression, the rage and pain that comes with this practice fit into my overall wellbeing. I've quasi tried to quit ballet in the past, but no more than a few months goes by and I just don't feel like myself. I feel like myself when ballet is in my life, when I'm engaged with my practice and I feel like I'm working on it, improving, becoming better.
And while I know that the physical practice provides great bodily and spiritual nourishment, the psychological issues abound in amounts that are enough to make me consider if I truly am masochistic.
I know that part of the problem is that I fundamentally disagree with the rules of the ballet world. Ballet asks dancers to pigeonhole themselves into a system where we are continually discriminated against due to the shape and size of our legs, butts and thighs. Not to mention our age.
When faced with this my personal choice was not to compromise myself, my health, my dignity, by not eating- by conceding and admitting “yeah you know what you're right my body is inherently not beautiful and needs to be skinny in order to be acceptable.”
However this has left me on the outskirts. Wandering around as a renegade, an outlaw looking in from the peripherals at the “success” stories.
No, I don’t show up to traditional company auditions anymore. I’ve opted out of the unhealthy system in which I give my power over to that. But I’m left with another problem. I’m not dancing as much as I want to and I’m not performing and interacting with the ballet world as I’d like to be. On the outside, still, I am not seen as a legitimate “dancer”.
A Personal Revelation
As I’ve come to see it now I realize that the ballet world might need my voice. It needs to hear how horribly damaging it is to lead people to believe that there are right bodies in the wrong bodies- that if you were born with a passion for dance but not born with one of these right bodies…. well, you're screwed. Sorry but no one cares. There's a million people with the right bodies wanting to dance and we're going to take them. Better luck in the next life…..maybe.
I still feel this….. Thing inside me- this thing that says I’m not just a closet dancer- I’m made to be seen. I’m made to make work. I’m made to share work and dance in front of other people. And I know it sounds crazy, given all of discrimination and injustice, but something in me tells me to stick with ballet. Like ballet isn’t done with me yet. Like this exact area of difficulty is the very one I’m supposed to be in. If I were to pull out prematurely I’d miss the thing that is coming.
And maybe that thing is my own activism, my own art that speaks out against these abusive dynamics which promote divisiveness and elitism in a soulful and spiritual practice.
A Cultural and Societal Revelation
The problems of elitism and discrimination in ballet are a symptom of the larger attitude towards the arts in America. Limited funding towards professional arts avenues creates scarcity in resources which leads to fierce competition.
Value is placed on those with the highest level of conformity to the desired attributes or skill set and rejection of those who do not conform to those standards. This, in my philosophical stance, is a direct affront to the point and nature of art, which is first and foremost a tool of human discovery and expression. Art-making is the means by which we ask questions. Those who are funders, resource-sharers, gate-keepers, are tasked to put a judgement value on who is asking the best question or demonstrating it in the most attractive or interesting way.
Turning art-making, this humanistic and soul building practice, into a competition is perverted and dangerous. The pressure to mutilate an exploratory, individual, raw and messy process into a product that needs to compete and measure up to the other products on the market is damaging. It discourages the inner voice to come out, that thing which we feel is so vitally necessary to protect, for fear of being rejected yet again. It discourages the authenticity that is necessary to make truly original art.
What we need in America is a shift in the role of art in our lives, and for those with a strong connection to their art practice, a shift in how we are able to take care of our basic needs so that we can devote more of ourselves to it. This is not so much so that we can “become better artists”. It speaks to the necessity of using art-making as a tool in order to be the most fully realized people and tenders of our lives as possible.