Works by Julia Brandenberger

(Work in progress)

in constant need of a blessing

Work in progress, last shown in FringeArts Scratch Night, February 2018. Photos and video by Colin Logue

 

Don’t want art to

Be about collecting fans

Or the stability and success

Of my arT,

To be about

Building an audience base

 

I want it to be about

The soul,

Exploring the soul

And sharing of art

Just to be simply that

A way of sharing

What’s going on

For each of us

And our stories

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I am in Constant Need of

A Blessing

When living in a culture where

Being able to make art

And share art

Depends on getting fudning

Getting outer approval

Getting people to see it in

Mass amounts

So that it can be deemed

“important”

 

It requires that I continue

To prove

Over

And over again

That the work is valuable

That the ideas are valuable

That I have value as an aristt

That there is some good stuff here

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It is not a given

It is a competitive mindset

That there is only

So much attention

And resources

 

And one has to prove that

They deserve it

And it happens

Over

And over again

It seems like there should

Really just be,

Normally,

An instance or so

Of this

 

That a person may

Struggle

With feelings of being inadequate

And not valuable

 

And it takes blessings from the

Outside

In order to realize my value

And see that I have worth

That my belief in my skills is founded

And I am acutally endowed

In certain ways

That I have something important

To give

Something that is valuable

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When I haVE to

Over

And over again

Prove that it’s true

And keep having to prove to people

And say

Arne’t I valuable? Don’t I deserve to

Make art and show it?

Don’t I deserve to be funded?

Don’t I deserve to be heard?

 

Then I am in constant Need

Of that Blessing

 

It sets up this void

Where I don’t ever actually

Know that

I am good enough

 

I don’t ever actually know that

I am valuable

That I do have something

Of importance

To share

 

Because I’m

Constantly

Having to prove it

And constantly in need

Of that Blessing

That thing from the

Outside

That says “Yes”